just survived the first fart of the relationship.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
