nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
