Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
