Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
