I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
