Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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