separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
