I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
