ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
