Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize