I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
