can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
