What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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