Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
love makes seman taste better
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
