I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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