do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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