so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
