I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
