and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
