Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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