i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
