I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
