The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
