I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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