they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
