I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
