Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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