What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Blood and glitter go together right?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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