k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
