whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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