Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
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is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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