between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
