you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
