i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
