I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
