I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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