o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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