Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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