Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
