Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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