Tell her she can't have a vagina
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
