Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
