I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
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Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
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Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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