I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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