Just fell off a train. Bad.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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