it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Shame - the story of my life.
The air taste purple.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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