Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
