so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
