Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
