ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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