billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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