I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
