Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
