I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
