If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
wow bdsm is so cute
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