We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
