sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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