so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Randomize
