I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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