i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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