she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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