That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
