I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
