i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
