Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
