So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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