Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If I die, sorry about rent.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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