Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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