I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
