I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
