good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
