tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
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The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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