But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
