party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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