she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
