its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
