...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
