my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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