Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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