you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
